This spring, my friend Minke and I were out on one of our nature walks. We always dive deep into all sorts of topics on these walks—no small talk for us. This time Minke told me I had to check out Gabor Maté, a doctor who writes a lot about the connection between our emotions and our health. I don’t like being told what to do 😉 but I do trust Minke’s advice, so I started with some podcasts and found these amazingly insightful. A couple of weeks ago Minke mentioned Saskia de Bruin’s book, Weg van de pijn, and I read that one. And then read two books by Gabor Maté; The myth of normal and When the body says no. I watched his documentary. And slowly, something clicked into place.
I’ve started to look back at some key moments in my life with a new perspective—especially two things: my headaches during my teens, which culminated in bacterial meningitis when I was 16 (you can read more about that experience here), and my recurring skin problems, which I’ve always blamed on hormones.
But now, I’m starting to wonder… was my body trying to tell me something all along?
Connecting the Dots: Headaches and Home Life
For years before I got meningitis, I had these intense headaches. They became part of my everyday life. My eyes were tested, and after the meningitis, when the headaches stayed I had multiple scans and tests. But no one ever asked me about what was going on at home. Not once. They never asked, “How are things with your parents?” or “Is there a lot of stress in your life?”
Looking back, I think about the constant tension at home. My parents’ relationship was far from perfect. I’ve sometimes found my mind wondering if that situation played a role in my health, but everyone around me just assumed I had to do with normal women’s problems, hormones and bad luck.
A New Way of Thinking: Gabor Maté and the Mind-Body Link
When I started diving into Gabor Maté’s work, I was doing this for Healing Grounds. He talks a lot about how our bodies can manifest the stress and emotional pain we’re carrying around and I was thinking about how at Healing Grounds we can figure out wether this is at play in a person’s live. But then, quite suddenly, I started to connect the dots in my own young life. Maybe my headaches weren’t just random. Maybe my meningitis wasn’t just about catching a bug. Maybe my body was expressing what my young mind couldn’t cope with.
And it doesn’t stop there. For years, I’ve also dealt with skin problems. I’ve always blamed it on hormones because whenever I took the birth control pill, my skin cleared up. But now I’m thinking, is it possible that my skin is reacting to emotional stuff, too? Is my body telling me, once again, to address what I’ve been carrying around for so long?
Inspired by Saskia de Bruin
Reading Saskia de Bruin’s Weg van de pijn put this idea in my mind. She, like Gabor Maté, talks about how our pain—physical or emotional—doesn’t just come out of nowhere. It’s often tied to things we haven’t processed or dealt with. While skin problems don’t really classify as pain, and I know many would love to swap their pain for my skin “problems”, it does occupy my mind a lot when my skin flares up. I wonder about food, air pollution, exercise, sleep, stress. But I never wondered if it had something to do with my youth.
It made me realize how little attention we usually pay to the emotional roots of our physical symptoms. My meningitis, my headaches, even my skin issues—they all might be signs that something wasn’t dealt with emotionally, not just physically.
What My Body Was Trying to Tell Me
This new understanding has really changed how I see my health. I’m learning to pay attention to what my body is trying to tell me, to ask the right questions—not just, “What’s wrong?” but “Why is this happening now?” and “What else might be going on?” and “What haven’t I (fully) processed yet?”.
It’s not always easy to face these questions. But I think it’s important. Because survival, like I did after my meningitis, is not the same thing as healing. Healing means understanding the deeper stuff that’s going on, and that can be a much longer journey.
Moving Forward
I’m still figuring all this out, still reading, still reflecting. But I feel like I’m on the right path, and I want to share this because I think it could help others, too. Our bodies know when something’s off, long before our minds do. I’m really looking forward to connect on this subject next week when I will be attending a Day with Gabor Maté.
What About You?
Have you ever wondered if your body might be trying to tell you something deeper? I’d love to hear your stories and thoughts—let’s start a conversation about this. And if you can read Dutch and want to learn more about these topics I highly recommend visiting Stichting Emovere.
And Minke, thank you!
In the picture: 16 year old me cuddling with what I called my life-line. This mare, Jopplin, gave me so much joy and love.